Learning a valuable lesson relative to my personal growth this week. I have the tendency to be overbearing and not realize it. With having an oversight on our recent batch of face coverings and my nature of building momentum, the enthusiasm I have been projecting towards what we are working on quickly turning into a non supportive kind of pressure.
Giving you a 3 day update with this post starting from my …
Productive Sunday Morning
I woke up and got right to work making use of my day off from SkipTheDishes so we could finish up the most recent batch of face coverings. At this point we had taken a day longer than expected but I was determined to help accomplish something even if only doing prep type things. I cut all the material we had for strings and then started on the nose pieces.
Just before Mel returned home from work I received a message from ChimzyCash that our branding package was complete. Feeling like everything was starting to fall into place I quickly mocked up a product card hoping it would lift Mel’s spirits a little… man was I wrong… I believe this act was what pushed the love of my life over the edge. I believe that my own failings in being overbearing while building momentum, my fiancé’s self critical nature with a design oversight, plus our aim for professionalism was a little too much for her.
I have to remember I have been tempering myself for nearly 3 years now. Having the ability to roll with the punches and not being overly critical of my creative short comings. Creative energy I find to be fickle thus I have learned to recognize when I absolutely need to put something down. My fiancé absolutely needed to put down the Meck Designs project for at least a day and there I was showing her how awesome our branding looks. Easily perceived as a kick when your already feeling down.
With my excitement I ran out the door to pickup some supplies to finish making product cards. By the time I had returned Mel had made up her mind that she was “done” with the entire thing after trying to correct the mistake. Mel was not only upset about the design oversight but also exhausted from working the entire 3 day weekend on it. Somehow I ended up saying the perfectly wrong thing during her frustrations. I should not have tried to solve things rather I should have told her to put it down for the time being.
I had planned to get everything packed and ready, take shots of each fabric and list all the options in our store. Doesn’t seem like much but takes a long time to package things one by one taking pictures to then be written up and posted. My emphasis on the shop and Facebook page coming together at the same time as this batch of masks was not necessarily to boost sales. Rather I had hoped Mel would gain a sense of pride from all the positive feedback in the same way I do for my video creations. Mel I assume perceived the pressure of boosting sales more so then anything to do with feedback even though it was immediately very positive.
Gloomy Evening Walk Around The Gorge
Long story short, the day ended up being a complete write off other then getting straps and nose pieces cut. Feeling really anxious over the situation I went out for a walk around The Gorge Waterway with Jerry and called my dad.
My father learned how to deal with me I figured he might have some grand insight but what he said rang true anyways. “Its always been you my son” … I didn’t get it at first but thinking back to me being me it makes sense. I am a mutha fukin Stubbs … S-T-U double the B-S …
I have never been someone to give up but I seldom pick things back up where I left off. I have spent my entire life failing at everything I do to some level yet still achieve something along the way. Focusing on what I have done right is what keeps me going … I’ll do better next time, there is always a next time!
It was a terribly smokey walk but much needed. I enjoy sitting in the Japanese Garden and meditating, had the air quality been better I would have run here and done a workout. Instead, I hung from the archway and did the final part of my workout, some stretching.
By the time I returned home everything was put away. It’s heartbreaking, but I remained hopeful. Saying as little as I could other than “I Love You” and many versions of “let it be” I knew words meant little. I have not since said anything knowing we had to tear it down this week anyways.
I must have either gotten way too stoned or the stress of the day previous got to me as I really don’t remember anything from the day clearly. I didn’t sleep much the night prior and got up shortly before needing to head in to work. I sat drinking my coffee and just watched the blocks go by on my Smoke & Whaleshares Witnesses. I couldn’t really bring myself to do anything else … this one is weighing heavy on me … other then finishing putting away what I was working on day previous and taking Jerry out for a pee.
Out of sight out of mind… I also had to clear the area around both the sliding glass door and bedroom window. They are to be replaced so even my entire computer area was moved and torn down, not just the sewing area.
After work I passed out hard … work is foggy, as in I can’t remember anything other then having a sore throat from the smoke floating around and driving my coworker home because we worked late … my mind was doing its usual disconnect to function thing. I am me and act like me for the most part but I am told it’s noticeable that I’m a little off … I have joked about recording myself 24/7 previous only because on several occasions I have reviewed a few of the videos recorded during those off times and can’t remember doing them … I have posted a few even and learned a few things of myself in the process.
Tuesday’s Hazy Wait
With Jerry not being so friendly with strangers in our apartment I was forced to wait outside in my car with Jerry from 9am-12pm when I headed off to work.
Luckily Jerry is comfortable in the car napping most of the time enjoying the heat from the sun.
We had a decent walk at The Gorge Waterway but I had to wear my mask with a filter in just to stop myself from coughing.
I also then decided to wear it all day at work as my COPD seems to be acting up with all the smoke lingering from the California wildfires. Made a fairly significant difference though I still wish I could get my hands on a few real p95 masks, they are sold out everywhere!
On the positive side, after having the sliding glass door and window replaced our apartment is much quieter. Also we have bug screens on both now so leaving a window open won’t be such a nuisance, some people in our building attract flies ?.
On the real positive side, Mel made mention of wanting her sewing area put back together ? I hope this means we are back in business!
PS This is my first written & re-written as I go post … makes it easier for me to keep a running update even if I do not end up posting daily. Learning to refocus on the real world as a priority. Feeling like the 3 day mark is getting a little long I will now break the rest of my running update into a new post.
Daily Activity,Moving Around Office,Walking